This afternoon/evening I went into clinicals to do a few extra hours. I didn't want to go in the first place but, I went with the assurance that I'd be out of there in 4 hours. There were just a handful of techs there plus me - the one student. Ever since a few weeks ago, I've pushed myself to start doing exams on my own - I've seen enough chest x-rays that I figure, its about time I do some on my own. Doing exams on my own has given me some confidence but also shown my weaknesses as a student.
There is a lot that goes on when taking an x-ray. Most people, (and nurses and Doctors) think that all you do is place the film behind the patient, point and shoot. Simple. Well, newsflash, its not. Why else do you think I'm in school for 2 years? There are a lot of factors that go into taking a good x-ray. Good being the key word here.
Back to my night tonight. So everyone in Orem/Provo decided to head to the E.R. tonight. It was madness. We got 6-7 exams at one time to go do and not enough people to do them. Being a student, I'm only comfortable with a few exams: (chest, foot, hand, Lumbar spine, forearm, elbow...). However, you throw me into a high-stress environment with the supervisor tech scrutinizing your every move, and impatient parents watching you do the exam, and those exams I'm confident in,suddenly become my nightmare...
I did some stupid stuff tonight - and just mentally wasn't there tonight. I looked incompetent. I felt incompetent. I wanted to quit.
As soon as another wave of E.R. patients started flooding the department, I bailed. I couldn't handle it. Techs started yelling at each other calling them out on their laziness and I just didn't want to be there any longer. Its nights like these that really make or break you. And its nights like these that I realize I gotta hit the books harder and get my head out of my butt (sorry) and pay attention to what I'm doing.
I realized tonight how hard on myself I am. I'm a first-year student. FIRST. Its ok if I struggle with exams, or if I take my time on my exams, I just need to ease up on myself.
When I first job-shadowed for the program a year ago, I remember saying, "I'll be great at this cause I'm a perfectionist and thats what you need to be in this job". Thats true, but I'm TOO much of one. I sit there and compare myself to the graduating seniors and I think to myself, wow, I suck. But its nights like tonight where I have to re-evaluate and remember I'm still learning. I need to stop comparing myself to the other members in my class and worry about how they are doing. That helps no one. Toughen up Lauren. Ease up on yourself and get your head on straight.
I'm gonna go wallow my self-pity in some frozen yogurt now and then get back on the horse, so they say. You do the same. :)
I'm gonna go wallow my self-pity in some frozen yogurt now and then get back on the horse, so they say. You do the same. :)
Sorry to hear you had such a rough day sis... Keep your head up. If anyone is determined and self disciplined, it's you. You're smart, good at following direction and a hard worker so it'll become easier with time. I'm still learning new stuff every day at my job too.. It's all part of the experience! Love you!
ReplyDeleteErin's advice and comment is right on. You just had a bad day. We all have them, especially when it's during the learning phase of a new job or class. It taught you a valuable lesson about yourself, and that's what learning new things is all about. Think about how it affected you and make it positive by learning from it. You're amazing and you can do this!!
ReplyDeleteLove this. I feel this all the stinking time and I've been a Phleb for over a year now. I also feel like this at school! I always feel like everyone knows EXACTLY what the teacher is talking about or got a 98% on the last test. Haha. Anyway... I'm just glad you posted this and as cheesy as it is, I needed it. I'm glad to know someone else out there feels stress too. :)
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