Every girl has expectations going into a date. I sure as heck did with this one and I knew beforehand it was gonna be a hum-dinger. Haha - lets just say I was looking forward to the stories afterwards.
The Contact:
This all started when a few weeks ago I was asked out by this guy I've never seen before in our ward. Keep in mind my ward merged with the 30 and overs in our ward. So this guy was at LEAST 31. I'd never said a word to this guy and he pulls me out of Relief Society and tells me he doesn't want to have to wait another week to ask me out. I was flattered cause most guys aren't that forward when it comes to asking us out. We made the small talk - he asked if I was in school - I told him I was an x-ray student. Without dropping a beat, he says, "Do you like scars?".
How is that relevant to x-rays?
He then proceeds to pull up his pant leg exposing a scar on his ankle - he then tells me about how he broke his leg, yadda yadda yadda. This was the first of many awkward moments to come.
How is that relevant to x-rays?
He then proceeds to pull up his pant leg exposing a scar on his ankle - he then tells me about how he broke his leg, yadda yadda yadda. This was the first of many awkward moments to come.
When he said he graduated from BYU, I asked when - normal question, right? He said, really quickly, "Well, how long are you gonna date me for?" Again, where's the relevance??
The Date:
He picks me up and we drive to a restaurant and have dinner. Normal.
One of the first things I notice about this guy is the vibe he's puttin' off. He kinda had that "I'm God's gift to women" vibe.........Next!
The second thing that is strange is his lack of focus. In the middle of asking me what "clinicals" are, and as I'm breathing in to answer the question, he grabs a newspaper next to him in the lobby of the restaurant and starts reading it. I release the held in air I had as I was about to form my sentence in answer to his question and just stare at him in total confusion. Did he really not have the time to pay attention to what I had to say? I slowly started to proceed with my answer when he put the paper down and gave me the slightest attention.
Moving on...
We get seated and get a large helping of Edamame brought out as our appetizer (were at a sushi place...). He starts DOWNING these things like they're candy. He's eating them with such force and gumption that the little edamame's are trying so hard to escape his wide open trap that they're flying out of his mouth and onto the table and floor. Really? Nice table manners, dude.
We order our food and our sweet little Asian waiter is trying to be so helpful and accommodating and this date of mine just gives short, cross responses to him. I felt awful. Lets be nice to our waiters, shall we? Especially when they speak broken english and bow to you at every request given.
Our food gets brought out - well his first which he immediately starts picking at shoving things off his plate, saying, "Ew, I don't want that", or "what IS that?", "Their salads are gross". REALLY!? Why'd you'd order it then?
I got my food and as I'm eating it, he reaches across with his chopsticks and grabs some food off my plate. Sure, he's paying for it, but is it so hard to ask if he can partake first? Apparently so.
During dinner the conversation was very strange. He asked such random questions with no relevance to the previous one asked. For example, I was talking about school and he then asks, "Whats the longest your hair has ever been?"... huh?
The topic of dating gets brought up by him. Surprised? At this point, I certainly am not. He asks what I look for first in guys. This is awkward... I say, height, face, then shoes cause I think they tell a lot about a person. I decided to ask him cause I knew this response would be outrageous. It was. He said, "butt, teeth, hair"............................... No girl wants to know you asked her out solely cause she had a nice butt. I don't even have a butt, ok? But seriously, just lie to the girl and say you look at her eyes, her feet, her legs, the weird mole on her face, just not her butt. ESPECIALLY not on a first date. He then goes on to top the cake with this, "yeah, I'm not really a boobs guy, I'm all about the butt". I seriously didn't have anything to say at this point - how could I? I just awkwardly laughed, it was all I could do.
He asks if I'd ever go out with anyone shorter than me. I said ya, I'd give them a chance. Then he expounds (I wish he hadn't) and he says, "What if he was 5'8", filthy rich and a cougar in the sack?".........
CHECK PLEASE!
I responded, "...and how would I know that?" totally shocked that he just. said. that.
I had a feeling going into this date that I would walk away offended.
He said he pictured me as a girl from Nebraska. really? The middle of no-where state that you know NO one from? You pictured me from there? His answer: "Yeah, you're just like a corn-fed white girl."
These responses just look so much better in writing than they do when spoken. Hahaha
We got talking music and when I told him I was a singer he said he would be the idiot on American Idol that can't sing. He then said, "Remember William Hung?" and at the top of his voice, in an Asian restaurant filled with Asians, said in an Asian voice "I've had no fo-mal twaining, SHE-BANG SHE-BANG!". I was mor-ti-fied.
Where was this guy's social cues?!
Dinner is now over - hallelujah - and we get up to go pay at the front counter. I waited for him to take the lead over there, but no, he said, "Ladies first". I knew what he was really wanting. Ugh.
We pay at the counter and he tells, and shows me, the amount of the bill. You're one class act mister.
As we pulled up to my apartment and started walking up to the stairs, I made sure I was a step behind and to the side of him....haha. He's slowly, walking to the stairway and I'm wondering if he's going to walk me to my door. As we approach the curb, he asks me to go stand on the curb. Oh no. He comes up to me and stands in front of me and says, "Would you have gone out with me if I was this short?" as I'm looking over his bald head. All I can do at this point is laugh after having suffered through this night. Then, he just goes to give me a hug and his face is practically in my chest, I hunch down awkwardly to give him a hug where his face isn't planted in my bosom.
I hurried and ran up the stairs just in case he was watching my backside up the stairs.
I walked, no..ran away from that date feeling all the more normal about myself and grateful for the social cues and etiquette I possess. And hey, it can only go up from here........right?
